Okay. Girls are emotional we all know that especially on their red week. Even I can get bitchy but not usually. Right now I’m feeling really clingy and even more emotionally attached than usual like not wanting you to go anywhere even though I know having you sleep all day is unhealthy. I’ve been wanting more kisses (you give me a lot so I’m in a good mood in that area) but yeah this feeling is sidjiasfhafnaufhafij I’ve been feeling sleepy a lot during the day too which is great cause I get to take naps with you which is nice. I JUST FEEL LIKE BEING AFFECTIONATE AF. I even started the lyrics thing, pretty nice though. Saying Hi is normal but now it feels like I’m leaving a little note containing what I’m feeling for you at the start of the day. I’m such a romantic I think I’m making you cringe. Sorry not sorry 😉
I know I should be brave and stand by what I say but I’ve never been this open with my feelings before. I’m scared… no… that’s an understatement. I’m terrified and I’m not even sure why. Yet again, no. I think I do know but I’m just not willing to acknowledge it yet.
I know. Corny. I admit, It’s not like I immediately felt love the first time we talked but I did feel something afterwards. You weren’t like the others and I was happy you called me back. Of course my intention was purely innocent, you are my friend. You’re single, I’m single so I thought having a little crush wouldn’t be crime. I expected it to go awkward and die out in a few days but no, we kept talking, it went well, I was happy. It was a new experience for me, I had exes but It was never like this. Just how much was I missing out? Days passed, I enjoyed your company in fact, I started to crave it. Everyday I would anticipate your call. At the start of the day I just want to hear you and spend my time talking to you. I’m so comfortable with you it even feels like we’ve been talking for years. The time that I would spend talking with strangers lessened, I started feeling that their company was just a replacement for yours but It would never be the same so I stopped. The people I just talk to now is you and the friends I’ve made. As I’ve said before and you’ve read, each day we talk, the more and more I fall for you, the more I think about you, the more I want to know about you. I’ve fallen in too deep. One normal thing to question would be why? “What makes you like me so much— you haven’t even seen me— you don’t know me outside of this call–” You haven’t asked me that yet but I have an answer ready. I like you cause you make me feel happy like no one else could, you give me butterflies, diabetes cause you’re too sweet– in fact I already love you. You make me feel like it’s okay to just be myself which is something I’m struggling with. You’re special to me but not as a bestfriend. My heart would break at the sight of you calling somebody else as your princess… If I hear you call someone else cute I’d be filled with jealousy, there’s no way I’d have such feelings for a bestfriend nor a normal friend. I want to meet you, I want to see you, I want to know you more than anybody else. You caught my eye. I’m sorry but you’re in trouble. I’m starting to not care anymore what you look like. Who needs a pretty face when you start wanting to murder them the moment they start running their mouth? Whatever it is you look like, it’s you, I like you. It’s so bad that I started thinking a scar on your face would make you look like them cool action stars. If you were slenderman then wow, I’d have faceless children, neat. Okay enough this is getting weird. That time when I was gone for a few days, I missed you a lot. I was scared you’d start talking to other people. I was glad you checked up on me, said you needed me because I need you too. I grew up feeling more pain than happiness, I always felt unneeded, unwanted, so seeing you say that to me made me feel really happy like really really happy. For me, happiness is what I yearn for along with love. The happiness that can only be given to you by the person you love is unmatched. I need you. The happiness I get and feel by talking to you is addicting, I can’t let go. I want to be with you. This is what I’m feeling. As much as I’d like to convey it into words, I can’t cause I start crying. Wish I could show it personally but at the moment I can’t. If I don’t say this now I’ll regret not saying it If ever you go and never look back at me (hope not). It’s hasn’t been long since we’ve met and I’m really glad that I met you. I’m sorry. I’m a romantic, I’m intense and you’re already in a lot of trouble the moment I started to think about you, the moment my heart started beating fast for you, the moment I started liking you. I love you. I’ll be here till you reject me yourself (pls no ill be crying for weeks) heartbreak isn’t easy but ehhh Idk, your fault. Prepare yourself, I’m awefully cheesy. This is a nice feeling though. Warning. It increases each day. Ah and again, don’t forget to tell me if you’re not calling for the day, it gets me all sad and sulky. I’m sorry if this was too much, you got me thinking about this quite well.
A lot of things could happen. We learn new things and feel different emotions each day. Though rarely, I might get pissed, angry, mad, and upset at you someday, I promise I won’t ever hate you. Hate is something I’ve never been fond of. I’d rather love alone than live with hatred. Does that make sense? I’m not sure but it sounded okay in my head. I swore on my life because it’s the only thing I can call mine till the day I decide to devote it to you. The day where it won’t be just me anymore and I’ll never feel alone. Of course I’ll give my all to make you happy. Well, these are my midnight thoughts. I feel trippy.
After 5 days of excruciating pain (no internet) It’s finally back, I’m finally back, the internet scum is back. I was forced to binge watch on movies till 3 am with no popcorn talk about torture. Well in all honestly, I missed my friends a lot, I missed Joey (Sorry for worrying you and I’m so glad you checked on me) and I basically started crying myself to sleep. I became the Tekken Tag Tournament lord again, ahjkhvsavksvkvdbhu net or no net I’m still unproductive as fuck. Who knew hearing the voice of the person you love for a few minutes knowing that you’d have to wait for a few more days to hear them again can make one feel so sad and unfulfilled? I’m so glad net got back the next day after our call or I would’ve gone crazy. I missed you as much as you missed me or probably more and have fun at football, babe.
I suck at writing like who exactly am I talking to?
I’m lonely. I hate being lonely to the point where I wish I can get by on my own like some other people but I can’t. By the end of the day I crave for someone’s company and it sucks because not all the people you wish to be with will always be there for you. I’m mostly alone but how come I never got used to it?
I love you... If It's not you... It's no good.