#SQUATSFORJOEY · Rants

Your voice VS other people’s voices

This one will be short and precise, straight to the point, this post is the arrow and you Sir, is the target.
Anybody can have a nice voice depending on someone’s preference but the thing is, no matter how good someone’s voice sounds to me, I don’t feel attracted to it, not anymore ever since I started talking to you. I mean sure I still have a thing for them rock lead vocalist with them smooth ass vocals that can go from an angel to a screaming demon in a split sec but even so, I’d choose you over them any day.
Some voices are pleasant to my ears but they can’t get me all hot and bothered as much as you do.  wink wink
Pro tip: I really really really love it when you say Margareth in (serious/deep/breathless) manner. Heck in any manner. I love it. Makes me melt.

Okay sorry this wasn’t really short but hey, still shorter than the others, right? I tried.

Rants

My mistakes

I don’t know what it feels like to be safe and contented with what I have. Even though things are probably going well and steady, I always end up thinking something will go wrong every time I get the chance to. Lately when I close my eyes all ready to sleep, my thoughts would drift on to the good things that have been happening to me lately but sometimes it drifts off to the past, making me remember my mistakes, what I lacked, what I couldn’t do that made me lose everything I had with someone important. They say it’s okay, you’ll learn from your mistakes but I cant help but wish that it never happened because all it does is torment me. I wish I can forget but I can’t. I want to move on but these memories are keeping me down. Recently someone has outstretched their hand for me once again. I’m scared. I grabbed it, he’s holding on to me but when he let’s go I’m done for. I’m still young, yeah but that doesn’t matter. Not all people are willing to save me from this hell hole that I am in. If he let’s me go, I’ll fall even deeper than the last. I’ll be all alone again… I don’t want that… It’s dark there. The deeper I fall, the slimmer the light seems to me and no matter how many hands try to reach me, I won’t be able to take it anymore. He’s special to me. Truth to be told, many tried to reach me. I took his hand by chance… I think It was barely outstretched at first to be honest but I’m glad. Even after all this ranting I started feeling better after thinking about you. I’m sure you won’t let me go without a good reason and at the same time, I’ll hold on to you as much as I can. There is only one of you in this world and at this moment I can truly say that you’re all I need… and Mr. Chubbybun’s picture.

#SQUATSFORJOEY · Rants

Sleep and fights

Don’t ever ever EVER hesitate to wake me up for anything okay? I can sleep anytime. I’m happy to hear anything from you no matter what it is. I’m always waiting. I started watching anime again to pass the time, it’s fun but no matter what… my day isn’t complete without you. My naps aren’t as nice without you now. Because of you I can sleep happy and peacefully. I’m really sorry that it’s so noisy on my side though.

Fights. I really hate fights. I grew up with my mom and dad constantly fighting and it’s horrible since for some reason, I’ll end up getting dragged into their mess one way or another. Moving on, I try to avoid fights as much as possible. If ever we were to fight I’d want us to be in good terms by the end of day because It’s sad. When something sad happens, something bad usually comes along. I’m not saying it’s automatically death but like, death is inevitable. Some people die in their sleep and what I’m scared of is not death but the fact that your last memory of me/ my last memory of you will be a bad one just because we didn’t settle things before sleeping. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Not all days are always happy and bright but at least before we sleep, while we’re lying in bed together… knowing that we’re both okay and happy with a peace of mind in that moment is enough so we can sleep with no bad feelings and wake up with a smile at the sight of each other instead of murderous glares.

Okay okay that was pretty nice. If I had like one wish that’ll be granted before I leave this world it’ll be to remove every regret the people that I’ve left behind has when it comes to me. (If ever they do think about me) I want them to smile at the thought of me instead of crying and feeling regret or any more other stuff. In the end I’ll just be a memory anyway. I can’t please everybody but since it’s like that, I want to be a good memory instead of a bad one. I don’t want to be someone that people forcible try to forget.

Okay enough I rambled on too much. Seriously this is getting depressing. I got way out of track. I THINK I’M SLEEP HIGH AGAIN.

#SQUATSFORJOEY · Rants

About you

I’m probably over thinking but yeah I do tend to think about you a lot. How’ve you been, what you’ve been up to and such. Once school starts, I’ll be really lonely. My time with you will be limited after all… Depending on yours and my schedule. I usually start thinking if you’re sleeping well when the call ends and its still a bit too early for me to sleep. Though when I am sleeping and its time for you to go, I get lonely but I get to sleep just fine cause I know you slept quite well and you’ve been good. I was there the whole time afterall. I wonder if I’m creepy after all… No matter what I was doing or busy with, I won’t deny that I was still listening the whole time. It’s nice. When I close my eyes it’s like you’re there beside me. Precisely why I’ve been sleeping well since you came. Since you came I haven’t been feeling lonely, I feel needed. I’m so happy. Whether it be talking, singing or giving you a kiss to sleep, they’re all my greatest pleasure. You may not know but you’ve already given me so much just by spending your time with me.  I know there’s still more but I’ll wait. I’m here so… Don’t go.

Rants

Crybaby

The first past is OK but the rest became bullshit.

I’m not really one… sort of…

It’s different for each person I guess.

I’m not always one, I try not to be at least… I’m not a kid anymore… but really. It’s kind of like a reflex? I’m not even sure but my childhood was stuff, I guess now it’s not that bad anymore since I learned how to control some of my emotions err… more like crying made me feel pathetic so I’d avoid showing any expression while receiving beatings and harsh words, I’d cry later on when I’m all by myself. Well, moving on from this horrible flashback, I just don’t want to become someone that’s hard to handle. I’m trying to change though, It’s a horrible feeling. I want to be able to express my side without crying beforehand. I want to be able to stand up for myself. I’m not entirely blaming mom for this, I’m all grown up now, I could start changing how I am now but it’s not easy as I hoped it would be. I’m used to getting scolded without getting asked what’s wrong, why, what happened, etc. As it is now, I could probably answer those but I feel like the moment I start running my mouth, things would get worse. Even though I know that talking it out usually solves problems and misunderstandings in an early stage. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to annoy anyone or make someone mad because I’m scared of what happens afterwards. I don’t want to be hated. Sometimes I wish I could forget the bad things that happened to me from the past it’s the exact reason that I’m like this. Why should I be afraid of my own family? Why am I constantly looking for a place to belong when this house is exactly where I should feel like I belong? *slaps self* OK WAKE UP ENOUGH RAMBLING.

Sigh seriously that was too much drama. I’m bad with words and when I’m typing my thoughts I tend to think too much. I need to pull myself together seriously. This is a personal conflict within myself. If I don’t start doing something about it, nobody will. I know that much. Like a bad debt, you can’t make your friends pay it for you, sell your organs if you must. That was stupid but ehh. It’s kinda true. If someone lends you a hand then that’s good but that doesn’t always happen for everybody… Sometimes no matter how much you wish for it, how much you pray for it… If you’re alone, that’s it you’re alone. You can’t force someone to be/stay with you. Well actually, there are lots of ways like tying them up, putting a chain on their foot, breaking their kneecaps or cutting off their legs but that won’t ever change the fact that they don’t want to be with you because If they did, you wouldn’t have to do that in the first place.

OK WTF I READ TOO MUCH KILLING STALKING stupid Korean comic. Well I’m not in the mood to ramble on anymore, this was fun and stupid.