What I feel

You complete me. I’m scared of messing things up. I’m scared to lose you. What you said to me today, showing me how much you care made me feel really special as I always am with you. If you felt compared I’m sorry but that’s not what I meant at all and I know you’re thinking about it but I promise if what I’m saying can’t make you believe enough then I’ll show it. I’ll regain the piece of trust that I lost and build stronger one with you I promise. If I can’t manage that then what kind of lovesick maiden am I, eh? I love you and thank you for not leaving me when you could’ve. I’m not writing this to compensate for anything, this is my blog and I’m using the last of my data for this. This what I feel and this is for you, Joey. I wish I had more guts to say this to your face but I was breaking down a few moments ago and again, thank you for comforting me and securing that we’re okay. Can’t wait for two weeks to pass by.


Your voice VS other people’s voices

This one will be short and precise, straight to the point, this post is the arrow and you Sir, is the target.
Anybody can have a nice voice depending on someone’s preference but the thing is, no matter how good someone’s voice sounds to me, I don’t feel attracted to it, not anymore ever since I started talking to you. I mean sure I still have a thing for them rock lead vocalist with them smooth ass vocals that can go from an angel to a screaming demon in a split sec but even so, I’d choose you over them any day.
Some voices are pleasant to my ears but they can’t get me all hot and bothered as much as you do.  wink wink
Pro tip: I really really really love it when you say Margareth in (serious/deep/breathless) manner. Heck in any manner. I love it. Makes me melt.

Okay sorry this wasn’t really short but hey, still shorter than the others, right? I tried.


Sleep and fights

Don’t ever ever EVER hesitate to wake me up for anything okay? I can sleep anytime. I’m happy to hear anything from you no matter what it is. I’m always waiting. I started watching anime again to pass the time, it’s fun but no matter what… my day isn’t complete without you. My naps aren’t as nice without you now. Because of you I can sleep happy and peacefully. I’m really sorry that it’s so noisy on my side though.

Fights. I really hate fights. I grew up with my mom and dad constantly fighting and it’s horrible since for some reason, I’ll end up getting dragged into their mess one way or another. Moving on, I try to avoid fights as much as possible. If ever we were to fight I’d want us to be in good terms by the end of day because It’s sad. When something sad happens, something bad usually comes along. I’m not saying it’s automatically death but like, death is inevitable. Some people die in their sleep and what I’m scared of is not death but the fact that your last memory of me/ my last memory of you will be a bad one just because we didn’t settle things before sleeping. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Not all days are always happy and bright but at least before we sleep, while we’re lying in bed together… knowing that we’re both okay and happy with a peace of mind in that moment is enough so we can sleep with no bad feelings and wake up with a smile at the sight of each other instead of murderous glares.

Okay okay that was pretty nice. If I had like one wish that’ll be granted before I leave this world it’ll be to remove every regret the people that I’ve left behind has when it comes to me. (If ever they do think about me) I want them to smile at the thought of me instead of crying and feeling regret or any more other stuff. In the end I’ll just be a memory anyway. I can’t please everybody but since it’s like that, I want to be a good memory instead of a bad one. I don’t want to be someone that people forcible try to forget.

Okay enough I rambled on too much. Seriously this is getting depressing. I got way out of track. I THINK I’M SLEEP HIGH AGAIN.


About you

I’m probably over thinking but yeah I do tend to think about you a lot. How’ve you been, what you’ve been up to and such. Once school starts, I’ll be really lonely. My time with you will be limited after all… Depending on yours and my schedule. I usually start thinking if you’re sleeping well when the call ends and its still a bit too early for me to sleep. Though when I am sleeping and its time for you to go, I get lonely but I get to sleep just fine cause I know you slept quite well and you’ve been good. I was there the whole time afterall. I wonder if I’m creepy after all… No matter what I was doing or busy with, I won’t deny that I was still listening the whole time. It’s nice. When I close my eyes it’s like you’re there beside me. Precisely why I’ve been sleeping well since you came. Since you came I haven’t been feeling lonely, I feel needed. I’m so happy. Whether it be talking, singing or giving you a kiss to sleep, they’re all my greatest pleasure. You may not know but you’ve already given me so much just by spending your time with me.  I know there’s still more but I’ll wait. I’m here so… Don’t go.


I’ll do what I can

Doesn’t matter if it’s to feed your ego (you said it was a joke though) if it’ll make you feel secure, I’ll be glad to tell you how much and what I like about you everyday. It’ll be tough though, I want to give an answer that’ll make you happy. I didn’t think putting my feelings into words would be do hard. I really really really like you! I’d rather tell you I love you by words than typing it down. It’s so hard to answer as to why but all I could think of right now is that I enjoy every moment I spend with you including the whole sleeping part, I enjoy 8-10 hours of my day just cause you’re around. You’re different. You care. Trust me, some people do care but it’s in the wrong kind of way. Anyone can care but it’s always different for every person, it’ll never be the same. If I pursue to widen this topic longer, it’ll never end. I know I can be bratty and immature sometimes but being spoiled is not something I’m very good at. I know how to spoil someone though but I don’t do it just for anybody. If it’s you, I’ll gladly comply… Heck you’re plenty spoiled already. Just say please and I’ll do anything for you… I’m all yours. (Anything except murder, drug dealing, money loans, and anything that can get me in trouble with the law.) And marriage. Kneel down, I ain’t answering yes to any commitment that’s proposed half-assed. :* you don’t have to say please to strip club dates either.


Bear with me

Okay. Girls are emotional we all know that especially on their red week. Even I can get bitchy but not usually. Right now I’m feeling really clingy and even more emotionally attached than usual like not wanting you to go anywhere even though I know having you sleep all day is unhealthy. I’ve been wanting more kisses (you give me a lot so I’m in a good mood in that area) but yeah this feeling is sidjiasfhafnaufhafij I’ve been feeling sleepy a lot during the day too which is great cause I get to take naps with you which is nice. I JUST FEEL LIKE BEING AFFECTIONATE AF. I even started the lyrics thing, pretty nice though. Saying Hi is normal but now it feels like I’m leaving a little note containing what I’m feeling for you at the start of the day. I’m such a romantic I think I’m making you cringe. Sorry not sorry 😉


Do you believe in love at first chat?

I know. Corny. I admit, It’s not like I immediately felt love the first time we talked but I did feel something afterwards. You weren’t like the others and I was happy you called me back. Of course my intention was purely innocent, you are my friend. You’re single, I’m single so I thought having a little crush wouldn’t be crime. I expected it to go awkward and die out in a few days but no, we kept talking, it went well, I was happy. It was a new experience for me, I had exes but It was never like this. Just how much was I missing out? Days passed, I enjoyed your company in fact, I started to crave it. Everyday I would anticipate your call. At the start of the day I just want to hear you and spend my time talking to you. I’m so comfortable with you it even feels like we’ve been talking for years. The time that I would spend talking with strangers lessened, I started feeling that their company was just a replacement for yours but It would never be the same so I stopped. The people I just talk to now is you and the friends I’ve made. As I’ve said before and you’ve read, each day we talk, the more and more I fall for you, the more I think about you, the more I want to know about you. I’ve fallen in too deep. One normal thing to question would be why? “What makes you like me so much— you haven’t even seen me— you don’t know me outside of this call–” You haven’t asked me that yet but I have an answer ready. I like you cause you make me feel happy like no one else could, you give me butterflies, diabetes cause you’re too sweet– in fact I already love you. You make me feel like it’s okay to just be myself which is something I’m struggling with. You’re special to me but not as a bestfriend. My heart would break at the sight of you calling somebody else as your princess… If I hear you call someone else cute I’d be filled with jealousy, there’s no way I’d have such feelings for a bestfriend nor a normal friend. I want to meet you, I want to see you, I want to know you more than anybody else. You caught my eye. I’m sorry but you’re in trouble. I’m starting to not care anymore what you look like. Who needs a pretty face when you start wanting to murder them the moment they start running their mouth? Whatever it is you look like, it’s you, I like you. It’s so bad that I started thinking a scar on your face would make you look like them cool action stars. If you were slenderman then wow, I’d have faceless children, neat. Okay enough this is getting weird. That time when I was gone for a few days, I missed you a lot. I was scared you’d start talking to other people. I was glad you checked up on me, said you needed me because I need you too. I grew up feeling more pain than happiness, I always felt unneeded, unwanted, so seeing you say that to me made me feel really happy like really really happy. For me, happiness is what I yearn for along with love. The happiness that can only be given to you by the person you love is unmatched. I need you. The happiness I get and feel by talking to you is addicting, I can’t let go. I want to be with you. This is what I’m feeling. As much as I’d like to convey it into words, I can’t cause I start crying. Wish I could show it personally but at the moment I can’t. If I don’t say this now I’ll regret not saying it If ever you go and never look back at me (hope not). It’s hasn’t been long since we’ve met and I’m really glad that I met you. I’m sorry. I’m a romantic, I’m intense and you’re already in a lot of trouble the moment I started to think about you, the moment my heart started beating fast for you, the moment I started liking you. I love you. I’ll be here till you reject me yourself (pls no ill be crying for weeks) heartbreak isn’t easy but ehhh Idk, your fault. Prepare yourself, I’m awefully cheesy. This is a nice feeling though. Warning. It increases each day. Ah and again, don’t forget to tell me if you’re not calling for the day, it gets me all sad and sulky. I’m sorry if this was too much, you got me thinking about this quite well.