I’ve always lived my life not as myself but as someone that I have to be in order to survive this world. The truest me will probably be the one you’ll be seeing here…maybe. Who knows?
Okay this is getting ridiculous. It’s a weekend but mom had extra work so I accompanied her to her office for the wifi. It was just the two of us so it was pretty nice, I was able to play some games but sadly I couldn’t call Joey. Really I wanted to but mom would kill me. Anyways, she finished early by that around 3 pm and that was a grave mistake. We should’ve stayed longer.
It was blazing hot outside and the worst part is the car. It was like an oven inside but we had to go in cause staying outside wasn’t any better but the moment I went in and sat down, staying outside might’ve been the best choice after all. I didn’t dare move. Felt like my butt was on fire on that leather seat then my mom was like “Put on your seatbelt I’m gonna start driving” then there was me pleading but no there’s no way out. I didn’t even wanna touch the belt cause it was hot as well but I had to then when I pressed my back to the seat, oh boy.
I cried internally but I did whine a lot cause no way I’m keeping my distress in. It was hot so hot it felt like whatever is inside me that’s close to my back uhhhhh best description I could give was it felt like my lungs were on fire. The final straw was when I looked at my arm and there I saw a burn mark from the seats. It wasn’t that big but it was definitely a burn mark. Quite similar to what kind of burn oil splashes leave on your skin when you’re cooking.
That’s not supposed to happen when you’re inside a car but eh, it was that hot. I’m amazed the leather seats aren’t melting or anything. So umm I told mom that I won’t be accompanying her anymore. She’ll have to wait for winter if she wants me out. Just kidding, I just hope next time we leave at a later time when it’s not blazing hot outside.
Curse summer. I hate burns! It’ll take a few months to actually get the mark off my skin and that sucks big time.
Undergarments– err wait is that underwear? Anyways,
So we ordered pizza and chicken for dinner and then I got a call so yeah the delivery man’s outside the villa. I went out and just before I reached the gates I saw Dad he got home and then he’s just like “Go back inside.” I was like, why? Then he goes “it’s cause your pants are tight” then my jaw drops internally. I was wearing long sleeves and pajamas that aren’t even close to tight, they’re just fit but you won’t even be able to see the outline of my panties and I’m just like whaaaaat. the. jsosldlskdkle 75% of my body is covered and I still can’t go out. Not even out, just by the gate. They’re also dark green so not even close to being transparent and my top is as black as it can be.
Anyways, Dads are just really overprotective. Like super. I fear that one day he’s gonna make me wear two layers of pants or something like geez. I remember my dad arguing with mom about me wearing shorts to the beach. ITS THE BEACH WHERE PEOPLE WEAR BIKINIS AND HE’S FUSSING ABOUT SHORTS. I get to wear it anyway cause Mom always wins.
Okay good thing I mostly stay at home (I mean it’s not really a good thing I need a life) considering how hot it is out here in the Middle East. Apparently it reached around 62 degrees(Celsius) the other day. Yes. Some leaves of some poor trees started burning like, what the hell? I wouldn’t wanna be out in that weather. Ever.
Who needs a lighter when you can just go out and the sun be like “Need a light?”, Then it proceeds to light your cigarette on fire as well as your hair and everything flammable that’s sadly attached on your body. Like that tree. Yes, that could be you soon if this heat gets even more out of hand.
As much as I hate getting cold, I prefer cold weather over hot cause I can at least put on layers and producing heat is way easier than trying to cool yourself off. Stripping just makes it worse in hot weather. If stripping and some air conditioning doesn’t help with that heat, nothing can.
I didn’t deny missing you but I don’t really know what’s next. What do you mean “I guess this is the beginning of something”? Shouldn’t it have been the end? I need answers but we all know I don’t dare ask.
I don’t know what It is exactly that I’m afraid of but the higher the wall I build to keep me away from it, the bigger it gets. Guess I have to face it someday.
I don’t know what it feels like to be safe and contented with what I have. Even though things are probably going well and steady, I always end up thinking something will go wrong every time I get the chance to. Lately when I close my eyes all ready to sleep, my thoughts would drift on to the good things that have been happening to me lately but sometimes it drifts off to the past, making me remember my mistakes, what I lacked, what I couldn’t do that made me lose everything I had with someone important. They say it’s okay, you’ll learn from your mistakes but I cant help but wish that it never happened because all it does is torment me. I wish I can forget but I can’t. I want to move on but these memories are keeping me down. Recently someone has outstretched their hand for me once again. I’m scared. I grabbed it, he’s holding on to me but when he let’s go I’m done for. I’m still young, yeah but that doesn’t matter. Not all people are willing to save me from this hell hole that I am in. If he let’s me go, I’ll fall even deeper than the last. I’ll be all alone again… I don’t want that… It’s dark there. The deeper I fall, the slimmer the light seems to me and no matter how many hands try to reach me, I won’t be able to take it anymore. He’s special to me. Truth to be told, many tried to reach me. I took his hand by chance… I think It was barely outstretched at first to be honest but I’m glad. Even after all this ranting I started feeling better after thinking about you. I’m sure you won’t let me go without a good reason and at the same time, I’ll hold on to you as much as I can. There is only one of you in this world and at this moment I can truly say that you’re all I need… and Mr. Chubbybun’s picture.
After 5 days of excruciating pain (no internet) It’s finally back, I’m finally back, the internet scum is back. I was forced to binge watch on movies till 3 am with no popcorn talk about torture. Well in all honestly, I missed my friends a lot, I missed Joey (Sorry for worrying you and I’m so glad you checked on me) and I basically started crying myself to sleep. I became the Tekken Tag Tournament lord again, ahjkhvsavksvkvdbhu net or no net I’m still unproductive as fuck. Who knew hearing the voice of the person you love for a few minutes knowing that you’d have to wait for a few more days to hear them again can make one feel so sad and unfulfilled? I’m so glad net got back the next day after our call or I would’ve gone crazy. I missed you as much as you missed me or probably more and have fun at football, babe.
I suck at writing like who exactly am I talking to?